Tag Archives: temptation

venomous

Your words were like the venom of a snake, slowly taking control of me. Yet, it was another fall that taught me how to pick myself up again. I thought you showed me a new me, but it was my desire to reach out to the meaningless world that was of such strength – it placed you right alongside with it.

I am renewed, but in so many ways you will never understand. If only I could take have 2 minutes in your thoughts, to confirm what I already know.

You thought you could fool me, but I chose not to end up like you instead.

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all it takes

What’s it take to catch that moment
that I’ve dreamed about countless of times
What’s it take to feel your touch
that I swear I can feel on my bare skin

We can’t look into the future
only guess where destiny lies ahead
At least we can make it ours
fulfil our selfish desires if only for us

How’s it possible something so wrong
could feel so right with every breathe
How does temptation taste so sweet
you’d forget what you have in the present

I don’t wanna crave for it much longer
please let me out of this suspense
Show me yourself, draw nearer
so I can finally see, touch and… feel you

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love waits

It’s exactly 1.59 AM when I start writing this post. I’d like to believe that am really just a night owl, like I’ve spent many nightly hours before I moved out of the house, spent behind the computer, inspired and creatively active. Maybe it’s just the coffee.

I was hoping to see a glimpse of him tonight, but the time difference sucks. I know he’s busy, pushing long hours on long days, he might be out, I don’t really know. I was just hoping, waiting.

Guilt free? I think not. But the longing, my oh my, the longing. Sometimes I wish I could just get a grip on myself. Stop the longing, start the waiting, let him long for me. But I know he is, that’s why I feel it. It’s the connection we have, that no one understands. Inexplicable, yes. Unbelievable? Yeah, that too.

My yawning gives away that I’m tired after all, guess it’s not the coffee. I know that as soon as I lay my head down, I’ll fall asleep. I hope it’ll whisk me away to our island, the place we meet where no one else can arrive, for us to be together and alone. I wonder though, how long we’ll keep this up. I wonder… how long love waits.

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day by day

Christmas went by fast this year, just as I had hoped for. We didn’t bother to indulge in dinners, late nights together or spending much time with family and friends. At least, not together. Growing up, I always knew I was different. Meeting him, I knew he was different. Put us together and we’re awkward, like a reggae beat in a catholic church.

We are, however, taking it day by day again. Just taking each situation as it is. Trying to see where exactly we used to fit in together, make our differences work together. There are ups but also downs, miscommunications and inside jokes.

Unfortunately, I can’t seem to help to keep wandering off in my mind. At times, I feel guilty for still communicating to him, knowing fully well it’ll jeopardise everything we’re trying to fix.

I find myself pathetic for not knowing what the hell I want, or not wanting to realise what I want. I find myself pathetic for letting myself linger between two worlds of the mind, not wanting to make a decision for myself, afraid of the pain and aftermath that’ll come either way. It’s sickening at times, how I even live with myself every single day, torturing myself, numbing me out from the reality, pretending. When really, one of the things I really hate is pretending.

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distance and time

If it weren’t for the distance and time, I’d indulge in the sinful act. I probably would, because of my craving. My hunger for love, in ways I never dare to explore with him. I know what he likes, but I doubt if he really knows how far my mind stretches out to explore new ways of love, lust, desire and passion. Is it fair to hide a part of me, for the sake of maintaining what we have? Is it selfish to be the woman he wants me to be and which I am – most of the time?

It’s not fair, it is selfish.

If only he knew. I don’t think he’ll believe his own eyes, he won’t believe it’s me. I wish I had the courage to show him, but it’ll come to me in time.

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my aching head

Here I am, at work, blogging, sniffing and sneezing behind my desk, feeling my head aching more and more. Meanwhile, I can’t resist the temptation. The temptation to see him online, when I’m invisible. Thinking to myself, should I or shouldn’t I… say something?

I decided not to. How is it possible that I continue to feel this way? This strong attraction, the need to speak to him, the longing for his voice, to see his face. He’ll say it’s because we have this amazing connection in a special way.

How is it possible I’m so double-faced? It scares me that I can be this way. I can’t have both, but my mind keeps going back and forth.

It’s not fair, to him, to both, to myself. Then why do I keep doing this to myself?

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