Tag Archives: confide

sell me a lie

I used to believe in every word you said. I used to put my trust in you. Every time, you knew when to say what you needed to tell me and I was happy to wait a little longer. Was it really love that we felt at that time? Was it really?

Your control over me happened in stages, boxing me up with each fold you were making. Now, I’m just angry at myself. Angry for letting it happen, angry for letting it get this far. Besides that, I started to doubt if you meant all you said to me. Looking back I feel dissapointed if that is what love really is, an intimate game we played with each of our hearts at stake.

Looking forward however, it feels like a relief. Even though things will not automatically solve itself, I feel comforted with the thought that I have to carry my own weight this time around. At least, I won’t have to wait and depend on you like I did for so long, because now I can feel like I’m finally moving forward making my own decisions.

We still live in the house together, but we live like ghosts. It feels like we are living in parallel universes, that’s how hard we try to avoid each other. Just like you avoid the food I made. The mail betrayed you and told me you never came home from Friday to Sunday. You hardly sleep at home at night and I don’t see you except for the traces you leave when you did get home while I was at work.

You have set me free when you took your ring off, when you thought you were gonna hurt me instead. It doesn’t hurt me anymore, because we tried and it didn’t work out. I think we both just couldn’t give that anymore, that x-factor to bring back the relationship from the land of the undead.

Because we used to know each other for who we were. We used to know each other’s thoughts, each other’s directions in life.
I used to think you appreciated my input.
I used to know you as a man I admire.
I used to love you so, so hard.
I used to.

Believe.

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remember our love

Someone once told me, on their 10 years wedding anniversary, to remember what made me fall in love with him to encourage me in return to appreciate what we have together.

That’s easier said than done, I tell ya.

What if there were less common grounds in our differences? More arguments about nothing? Because we hold back on what we really want to say? Because we can’t seem to share our inner most deepest thoughts to one another? What’s a partner to do when you’re being deceived in the relationship with secrets untold?

How am I supposed to remember our love when I’ve slowly started to find out you told me little lies from the very beginning?

Trust. Honesty. Communication. A lack of these vital elements in a relationship have diminished our love.

Can it be fixed? I think so.
Will it be easy? I think not.
Are we both determined to make it right? That, I doubt.

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postpone

Lets postpone what we feel. It’s easier not to identify what is wrong, what needs to be fixed or what can’t be saved in this relationship.

Lets postpone whatever big dreams we had together, the big plans we made, the future.

Why do you want to talk about taking the next step? Why would you even want to discuss something that I’m not ready for? Something you are not ready for even though you don’t know it? I talk about stability in life, to which you reply we always made it against all odds. How is that supposed to make me feel better, or confident in what’s to come?

You can’t even tell me what’s on your mind. Your leg is shaking of impatience, but you say it’s nothing. How can we ever get back in tune again if you’re still not willing to open up to me?

Maybe it’s easier to call it quits. Maybe not. So, lets postpone.

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deepest of the deep

Amazing how you see me through and read me like a book on a shelf.

Guilt keeps me from chosing wisely by heart. When I say that I hurt him, it’ll have me feeling guilty each and everytime and he knows it. I might have the courage to listen to my heart, but I don’t want it to end that way because I care too much for him. I care too much about his emotions and put it before my own self worthiness. Which turns into a dangerous game when the other person knows it.

It’s just strange that I’m not that person anymore, so there’s no easy way of breakin the news to him that I want to be a different woman. But I also know that I can’t live with that regret for the rest of my life – just that I can’t jump that hurdle yet. Which is even more strange because isn’t your spouse supposed to be the person in your life with whom you can share the most deepest of the deep regardless?

There are no second chances, only one life to live.

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salty flavor

You bring out the best and the worst in people, because you are able to extract their true essences. Thus some people are scared to get too close to you, while at the same time some people are drawn to you and cannot get enough of you. You like going out with friends and exploring new places and meeting new people. Funny and sarcastic, you have a very unique and defined personality and a great sense of humor. Your personality rubs off on others well and you know how to make a lasting impression. You can be quite skeptical and thus act cautiously. You are also a very real and honest person, and your feet are almost always on the ground. Thus people trust your judgment and you often find yourself confided in.

(result from a test on MySpace I took one day)

But ehm, who do I confide in?

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