apparently

Why do you leave me so embarrased?
Why can’t you see how much you’re hurting me?
Instead you turn the blame on me. You keep telling me I have no respect for you anymore to which I disagree, yet you keep making it damn hard on me.

We used to be one together, I was basically an extension of you, I knew your left from right, your thoughts and ideas now and to come. We lost that along the way. I’m realising I’ve started to grow a mind of my own, a being of my own, with my own thoughts and ideas. Maybe I’m not that traditional wife anymore, maybe I have changed from the woman you fell in love with. Maybe I’m just seeing clearer now than ever before. I’m seeing you, from a different side, much darker, much more stubborn.

Remember those deep valleys we walked together, to see the shimmering light up above? We walked in pitch dark, hand in hand, alone. It brought us closer together, stronger in our love. I remember the day you proposed to me… it still brings tears to my eyes. You told me exactly what I needed to hear at that time, you said it with all honesty too.

How things have taken a turn.

You say that for not leaving me that day, was the weakest moment in your life and you feel like I’m taking that to my advantage and boss you around. Apparently, you don’t see how you pay me back every day by embarrasing me, letting me down and to not even pick up your phone to dial my number every now and then. To me, it seems like you have taken me for granted instead, thoroughly aware and making sure to revenge the pain I caused you in those little gestures to sting me back – right in the heart. I can feel your poison run through my vains little by little as time passes.

Can’t you see how you’re killing me, every day? How you are the one that’s killing the woman you once loved so dearly? How you make me suffer for it, every single day?

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7 thoughts on “apparently

  1. boxingstella says:

    SOUNDS LIKE YOU’RE IN PAIN :^( GLAD YOU’RE WRITING TO HELP YOU TO COPE… STOP BY AND READ MY COLUMN… HOW DO I BE-FRIEND YOU? NEW TO THIS…

  2. Miss Kaelah says:

    Pain doesn’t even begin to describe it, hence my frantic and long posts… Consider yourself added to my blogroll and blog surfer (these options can be found under “Blog Info” on the top WP header).

  3. Richard says:

    Well,
    Sorry to read about your pain. I know that it is no fun. I hope that life gets better for you and your pain heals.
    I also have experienced pain and broken heartiness. Only through my relationship with God through Christ have a been able to bear it. He is the rock to stand on when all else can be sinking sand. I am not talking about religion, nor even church. It’s life in Christ. Life in the Spirit. It’s an adventure each day to see where He leads and who He leads you to.
    I don’t know if you have found this so, but if not, I truly hope that you do. Real peace, real joy, real satisfaction can only come by this way!
    God bless you!
    Richard

    • Miss Kaelah says:

      That’s sweet of you Richard. Ironically, being married to a man of God, evangelist, elder and speaker in church, it is faith that pulled me to where I am today. Both faith and hope, hope it would turn out better, hope that this is what we need to suffer together to see a brighter day. My comfort is, as I mentioned before on the blog, is knowing that God cannot burden my soul with more than I could handle.

  4. Richard says:

    God bless you sister!
    Yes He did promise us that He would not give us more than we could handle. I will remember you in my prayers. Look forward to sharing together.
    Big blessing to you!

  5. Richard says:

    Miss Kaelah,
    I forgot to metion the song, “I’d need a Savior”. Check it out on the post that I have by that title.
    Draw close to Him during this time.
    Richard

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