different feelings

I’ve been avoiding to make a decision, a wise decision though, based on what my heart tells me, my gut and my instinct. All these different feelings that I’ve been having been messing with my whole being. Especially my head, but logics isn’t everything. That’s one thing love’s taught me.
Now that I am alone with me, myself and I – it’s even harder to put down in words. The past keeps repeating on me, but what’s sad is, I tolerated it before. Connecting to someone else on a mental level and nothing physical – I never thought that was possible. Yet, it happened. And in order to save my marriage, I have to deny that connection. Well, at least try. Will it be worth it? I hate having to choose, but I can’t have both. I can’t.

(August 18, 2009)

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