They have come. No one is here to catch my tears from falling. No one’s here to see.
No one understands. No one will.
Everything to lose, but nothing to show for.
So many tears I’ve cried. So many times I felt empty.
So many times I thought I had run dry. So many times I felt I could never cry again.
What have I done?
Now, I am defeated. Confronted with the hole in my soul.
I am not happy. I want things to be different. Or intoxicating like it used to be.
Whichever one to make me forget what I feel right at this very moment.
The only comfort I have is knowing God could never burden my soul with more than I could handle.
But it’s hard. It hurts so bad. It cuts through me like a blunt dagger.
And at the same time… I feel you. I feel your pain. Your dissapointments. I don’t know what they are, but it’s there. And it’s not an extra burden, because they are my dissapointments.
(An extract of what I wrote on 19 Sept. 2008)