What is true love? When does it stop being an infatuation? When does it become an obsession? When is it time to pursue it at the sake of everything else?
I found a love, but I can’t have it, because I already have one. Someone told me I’m not made of the kind of fibre of other women who can leave the first love behind, to follow my heart towards the new. Maybe not. But I can write about it. Hence the pain on the inside, a kind of pain worse than being heartbroken. When your heart is broken, its broken, you fix it, heal it and go on. This pain is different, you can’t see it because nothing is broke, everything is still intact, yet I feel it hurting me all over.
It’s because we believe our day will come one day. We will meet again, under different circumstances, where we don’t have to be secretive. If being secretive about it now is already this intense, imagine how it’ll be when we don’t have to hide it anymore. Maybe I am sparing the feelings of another, maybe I have too much of a conscience. Maybe.
All I know is, my head is filled with thoughts. I write bits and pieces down with pen and paper, I just figured I’d collect them online. I’m just letting it take shape as I go on.